is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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