Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My nipple is on Facebook.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
