I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
