Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize