that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
