My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
