my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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