so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
