Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
3pm strippers are depressing
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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