So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
