i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
