I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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