He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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