you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
