why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We have started to decorate penises.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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