Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
