My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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