Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The beer is more important than you right now.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
