I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
