they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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