Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
