if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
