I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
