New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
