im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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