He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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