remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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