so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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