this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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