What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
