i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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