Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
