My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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