totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize