Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
