You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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