yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
