So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
