I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
