After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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