I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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