im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
