You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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