I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize