she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
