she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Your cock deserves a montage
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
