I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
