Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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