at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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