just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The feeling are messing with the penis
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
