Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
