the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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