My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
