Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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