Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
