I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
