ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Maybe he injected his testicle?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
