my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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