that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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