Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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