I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
