We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is Oprah even human
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
