I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
