I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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