Don't make out with my wife yet
well you can't waste a boner
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
