so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
