i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
