Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
