So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
