So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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