I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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