i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
