What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
