I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
