Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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