I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I AM VODKA MAN
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
